Self-love and Purpose

As people come together and help each other out amidst the crisis, we are increasingly humbled by our communities and the heightened sense of solidarity and connectedness, especially in places such as London, that have for a long time required a reason to reconnect.  

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X+Why was founded upon the principle of community, one that represents the relentless pursuit to build a better tomorrow, amongst a cohort of likeminded and driven individuals. Our East London Co-working spaces bring networks on a mission to make the Triple Bottom Line the norm, into close proximity, allowing new relationships to be fostered and novel projects to be born.

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However, what happens when you confuse worthy with self-worth? We tend to cling to objects, relationships, experiences and job titles to make us feel fulfilled and of significance. We constantly plan because having a full schedule gives us direction, distraction and familiarity. But all of that can be wiped away at any time. Many of us have just been reminded that the only thing we can expect is the unexpected, and we have to treasure the now in this delicate and short human experience.

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The word pandemic originates from the Greek words pan (all) and dēmos (people). Anything can be a pandemic, including love and kindness. But we must start with kindness to the self, and in a time when a lot of people may be questioning their self-worth and identity as careers shift and change, it’s important to recognise the anchors in things less separate from the self. You can never lose the abilities within yourself, or your values for example.

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We all have some sort of measuring stick that we use to determine our value as a human being, when we feel like we’re measuring up we feel good about ourselves, and when we feel like we’re falling short, our self-esteem can plummet. In the age of social media this has become even more extreme, we now have more sticks with which to measure and beat ourselves than ever before, as well as constantly comparing the results to the highlight reels of our peers.

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Despite this having so much influence over our beliefs and behaviour, most of us aren’t even conscious of what exactly it is we use to determine our sense of self-worth, instead only being aware of the fluctuations in how it makes us feel.

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For some, the yardstick is about who they are surrounded by. This can be in the form of seeking external validation, constantly needing to be in a relationship, or only spending time with people they deem to be important. When your self-worth is dependent on others, you relinquish any form of control you have about your self-image and hand it over to someone else. There will also never be an end to the amount of praise or positive reinforcement needed to feel good about yourself.

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Similarly, careers help many people feel of value. One of the often most uninspiring and yet common questions you’re asked when meeting someone new, is ‘what do you do?’ – as a society we are often lead to believe that what we do is who we are, and we use our titles to reinforce that we are ‘somebody’. Basing our identities on our careers offers a similar risk to the above, leaving it mostly out of our control to define ourselves, especially during an economic downturn, shift in the job market or even retirement.

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We’ve also all met people who tie themselves to their possessions or bank accounts. While it makes sense to place a monetary value on goods and services, it doesn’t make sense to use money to determine your value as a human being. Numbers are infinite and there will never be a figure that makes you feel ‘enough’.

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A factor that goes hand in hand with money and career is often achievement. When our narrative becomes about our accomplishments, the flip-side is that it can make it even harder for us to let go and move on from the inevitable and necessary failures. As well as repeated successes being difficult to manufacture, an avoidance of doing things where you might fail will hinder overall growth and development.

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Lastly, another common pitfall is measuring our worth using our appearance. The media certainly fuels the notion that we are as good as we look, whilst marketing strategies actively target natural processes such as ageing or weight gain. The common thread between all the above factors is that we base the foundations of how we feel and what we believe to be true about ourselves on external things outside of our control.

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When you know who you are, and you’re pleased with the person you have become, you’re more likely to be able to maintain a sense of peace throughout the inevitable ups and downs, and believe in yourself regardless. Therefore measuring yourself for who you are at your core, will help you to behave in a way that’s aligned with your values, instead of endlessly chasing the things that temporarily boost our self-esteem.

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When we are comfortable with who we are, we can weather whatever unseen storms may be set before us, focus on creating a life of meaning and purpose, and redefine what ‘successful’ and ‘worthy’ look like to us, as individuals.

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